Nate’s Short Review-Netflix’s Messiah

Tags

messiah, netflix, religion, review, short review

I just read a conservative Christian view of the new Netflix series Messiah.  In it, he tried to claim that the show was a jumbled mess that really didn’t know if the man in question was really the Messiah.  In other words, the series didn’t know what it really was.  But his arguments were coming from a very American Christian mindset. He was upset that the “messiah” seemed to have an islamic background.  He didn’t like the fact the “messiah” had made comments like he was for people.  And, unfortunately he spent most of his time lamenting the fact that the preacher’s daughter had an abortion, and wished the show would have went into more detail about that.

Here is my two cents.

I like the fact that the character is vague.

The “messiah” character never actually says he is the messiah.  There are allusions to it, sure.  But he never overtly comes out and says he is a messiah. So the liberties the show takes make sense.

I like the fact the character has an Arab background

Wouldn’t it just be like God to send a messiah to the people who should know what he would look like. And yet, they can’t tell who or what he really is?  Isn’t that exactly what he did  2000 years ago?

I like the fact that all the characters suffer from real world problems.

There is not one single person in this show that comes off smelling like roses.  Not the refugee kids, not the CIA officer, and not the pastor.  We are all human.  And I like when there are spiritual themes that are dealt with in a more interesting way than the latest God’s Not Dead sequel…….sorry almost lost my lunch right there.

I would recommend this show.  It’s not a family show. It earns int’s MA rating. But it is worth watching…And thinking about.

3.5 nateys

ratings info
1=better used for trash liners
2=okay but not great
3=good and average fare
4=excellent and worthy of many awards
5=Simply Divine

Happy New Years 2020!

Here we are! Another decade has started. The world is full of possibility.  Have you decided that you are going to do resolutions this year?  If so, what are they?

I have decided to not do resolutions.  I mean what is so big about another January 1st?  Why is it so different than any other day?

It is different only because humans like to track things in a linear progression.  We like to see things with a beginning and an end.  Helps us cope.  It gives us motivation.

But if we think about it, why are we always planning for the future?  Not that it’s a bad thing, but why?  Why do we think that we are going to make it to see January 1 2021?  Why do we think that we are going to make it to February 1st 2020?  Nothing is promised to us.  Our lives are fleeting.  We are not guaranteed anything.

So perhaps instead of spending so much time thinking and planning for tomorrow, maybe we should learn how to live today.  For this moment.  Right in front of our face. Maybe we should make a resolution to look up.  Get off our screens.  See the people around us.  See the sunset.  Smell the air.

Maybe.

Maybe that would help us have the better life that we are wanting.  I mean, why else would we do resolutions?  We want to be better, right?  But then we are constantly worrying about the future.  And we forget about the present.  And the present is all we got.

Stop.

Breath.

Enjoy the moment.

 

 

 

So how do you feel about my thoughts?  Do you have resolutions? What are they?

The Cult of Trump

Tags

abortion, Christian, Christianity, Christianity Today, church, Cult, Donald Trump, evangelical, immigrant, impeachment, President, pro life, refugee, Trump

(photo by Mark Wallheiser/Getty)

I have never been a big fan of Trump and that’s okay.  We are all supposed to be able to have our own opinions on how the president is doing and what we consider to be good politics….

Or at least that was how it used to be.

The evangelical church has completely bought into this president.  It is convinced that he is the best and most pro-life/church friendly president we have had.

So if you are a Christian, and you don’t like Trump, or you think that he is not as pro life as others think, or you think that he isn’t as friendly to churches as some might think, you are not only classified as a liberal leaning snowflake, but you are also classified as anti-Christ.

Consider some of the comments left under a few articles I posted the past couple of days on Facebook.  I posted these articles with no commentary, but the vitriol that I received was amazing.  Here are some quotes….

“Christianitytoday don’t speak for the real Christ followers, they are anti- Christ, it’s already a written prophecy to happen in the last days in revelations, Christianity today or whatever they call their cult can pound sand , no real devoted Christ Jesus believer will fall for the scam , it all an orchestrated plans from the temple of darkness , to sway Christians to turn their back on trump, no one with a functioning brain will buy this lol” (emphasis added)

“Whether he is a Christian or not is between him and the Lord. You do not impeach a president because you do not feel he is a Christian! There is no evidence of any impeachable act, this has all been hate driven. He has been appointment into office for such a time as this and has done his best to lead the country in accordance to Biblical principles. (Pro life ect)”

“So sad that there are christians with their eyes closed to the truth and don’t see the real face of the democrats”

“Trump is not only exposing the leftist liberals, he is also exposing the fake Christians lol.”

“This isn’t surprising to me because last I checked Judas Iscariot one of Jesus disciples did the same thing to him(JESUS)..”

These are people that I consider dear friends.  People that I see at least on a weekly basis.  These aren’t faceless commentators on some news article.  They are friends and fellow believers.

But the moment  I post something that disagrees with Trump or an article that goes against the consensus of most evangelicals, these are the comments I get.

• I am anti Christ
• I am not a real devoted Jesus follower
• I have no functioning brain
• my eyes are closed to the truth
• I am a fake Christian
• I am Judas

I am sad.  I am sad that I feel like I have lost my tribe.  I am sad that our political differences have morphed into something more personal.  I am sad that how I feel about the president has become a litmus test on whether I am true Christian.  I am sad that if I don’t like this president, I am not consideredvpro life. I am sad that our identity seems to be more tied up in political ideas rather than my relationship with Christ.

I have my own ideas about Trump.  And yes, most of them would be considered “left leaning” by most of my evangelical friends.  But I consider them consistent with following Jesus.

He is a man of questionable moral character.  There is ample evidence to suggest that he does not live out what it means to be a Christ follower.  This isn’t necessarily something that should keep him from being a president.  But we spent 8 years questioning the spiritual faith of our last president.  Questioning whether he was a real Christian.  Questioning whether he was a actually a Muslim.

And now we can’t say anything?  Now we have to accept this man because we aren’t electing a “pastor in chief”.  No.  That is hypocrisy.  And I will not sit quietly.

He is not the “most friendly president towards people of faith”

He may have passed laws and stood up for “Christians”.  And to an extent, that is correct.  But you cannot continue to demonize Islam and people of other faiths and say you are friendly towards religious freedom.  Religious freedom has to be freedom for any person of faith.  Regardless of whether you like them or not.  If not, we do not practice religious freedom.  Only Christian freedom.

He is not the “most pro life” president in history…

He may be anti abortion.  But he is not pro life.  One is not pro life simply because they take a stand against abortion.  Pro life goes deeper than.  It covers more aspects of life than that.

• pro life takes a stand against abortion
• pro life will also make sure that baby is cared for after birth.  That it is fed and clothed and educated. And the mother is helped financially and spiritually etc….
• pro life means you take a stand against the death penalty.
• pro life means you care about the refugee and have policies that help refugees. Not hinder them.
• Pro life doesn’t build a wall.
• Pro life doesn’t take away social programs and make it harder for poor people to eat.
• Pro life does not seperate immigrant children from their parents.

People tell me that they voted for Trump because they couldn’t vote for Hillary.  They voted for the “lesser of two evils”.

Understand this.  The lesser of two evils is still evil.

The evangelical church has decided that politics are more important than our faith in Jesus.  They will pay the cost.  And Jesus will weep for their decision.

As the article that caused all this controversy to begin with stated…..

“Remember who you are and whom you serve.”

I will serve Jesus and I will live by the red letters.

Top 10 Movies of the Decade Part 2

Tags

a quiet place, Ang Lee, arrival, Christopher Nolan, decade top 10, get out, inception, John Krasinsky, Jordan Peele, Leornado DeCaprio, Life of Pi, top 10 lists, Top 10 movies, Top Ten

Thanks for all who interacted with the first part of my top 10 movies of the decade.  Without further ado, here is the 5-1.  I know there are many people, and maybe everyone that will disagree with my list.  Let me know!  I want to know what you think should be on the list.

5. Get Out

Get out is a smart and poignant horror movie written and directed by Jordan Peele.  The script is original with great acting. It may be a horror movie, but it is a social commentary that is worth watching for entertainment, and for thoughtful consideration.

4. Arrival

Smart alien movie where the action revolves around learning someone..or something’s language.  Beautifully shot.  Great acting. Thought provoking. Soundtrack is amazing.  And the ending was something I did not see coming.

3. A Quiet Place

Can a basically silent movie actually be successful in 2018?  When the movie is “A Quiet Place” and the silence is the terror, the answer is yes. This movie is another suspensful masterpiece on my top movies of the decade.  John Krasinski (Jim on the Office) Co-wrote and directed this terrifying movie.  The first ten minutes will rip your heart out.

2. Life of Pi

A young man finds himself shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean with a boat full of wild animals….or are they.  This movie directed by Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon), is beautifully shot.  You will find yourself lost in the grandeur of this story.

1. Inception

I know there are going to be many people that disagree with this pic.  But I think Inception defined the decade to come.  The special effects, the story surreal storyline, and the way action movies are made today were defined by Christopher Nolan’s classic movie.  Go ahead, show me a movie that defined the decade better…I’ll wait.  And what part was the dream?

 

So there you have it. My top 10 movies of the decade.  What do you think?  Why don’t you let me know. I would love to hear from you.

 

Next up….Top 10 albums of the decade!

 

Top 10 Movies of the Decade-Part 1

Tags

decade, ex machina, kubo and the two strings, mad max, mad max fury road, secret life of walter mitty, the witch, top 10, top of the decade, Top Ten

I must admit, I am a sucker for a good top 10 list.  From top ten movies and albums of the year, to the top 10 moments in Veggie Tales.  They all groove my soul.  I blame growing up on David Letterman.

So, here we are. At the end of the 2010s.  And now, it’s time to do top 10 lists of the decade. So why not?  Why not join in on the fun.

My first list includes what I deem to be the best movies of the last 10 years.  There are few caviots before I write about my list.

1. This was hard.  It was an incredible decade fore movies.  With the onset of streaming sites spending millions on original films, and the ability for the general public to have access to more independant fare, there was a lot more to choose from. Having said that, the majority of my movies probably fall more on the “blockbuster” list than independant films.
2. I am only choosing movies that I have seen.  This is seriously limiting.  I don’t spend a lot of money on movies.  I mean, it’s getting expensive these days!
3. Feel free to disgree…or agree. I would love to have some interaction on this post.  Let me know what  your top 10 would be.

10. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was released with not a lot of fanfare.  It was an average movie and did relatively well at the box office.  But it is ending up on a lot of end of the decade lists, and for good reason.  This movie delves into the modern problem of living in our closed world where our only interaction is social media.  Many of us have felt like we have lived our entire life and never did anything worth while.  Walter Mitty finds himself in this predicament, but fate helps him to do something about it.  This movie is full of heart and a joy that is hard to find in movies these days.

 

9. Mad Max-Fury Road

The Mad Max  franchise has been around for almost 40 years.  It has suffered from many sequels.  Most were mediocre at best.  But the idea of Mad Max is ripe for stories and ideas.  As a culture, we are always fascinated with what the world would look like if the some form of the apocalypse happened.  And Mad Max helps see a vision of what that world might be like.

In this reimagining of the Mad Max world, Max finds himself racing down the road running from some evil lords henchmen.  But the story really isn’t about Max.  It’s about the woman.  It’s about empowerment.  It’s really feminist at it’s core.  And the action sequences are 100% real, which adds a whole level of intensity that is sorely lacking in today’s movies.

7. Ex Machina

We live in a world that is becoming ruled by machines.  We are just few short years away from realistic androids becoming reality.  They are not that the stuff of science fiction anymore.  Ex Machina follows the story of a a computer geek who wins a contest to spend the weekend with the CEO of the company he works for.  The CEO wants to find out if the androids he has built actually can past the test of passing for true humans.  The whole movie takes place inside the CEO which gives the movie a sense of chlostraphobia that adds to the elements of danger that await our hero.  This movie is nightmarish in it’s skepticism of the future.

7. The Witch

The Witch is a horror film.  The Witch will make you uneasy. The Witch is a classic.  The premise is a prideful man who gets kicked out of a puritan community in pre colonial America. His family moves into the woods and struggles to survive.  When their son goes missing, they blame it on a witch who lives in the woods.  But although the premise is horror, the layers are deep.  Family secrets, pride, sin, selfishness, superstitions.  This movie is not only a critique of the Puritans, but it also can be a critique on current society.

6.Kubo and the 2 Strings

I have always loved animation.  I honestly don’t think that animated movies get as much as love as they should.  And this one is my favorite animated movie of the decade.  This stop motion animation tells the story of young Kubo who goes on a magical quest revolving around a story that he has told many times and yet doesn’t know the ending.  It is a stunning and gorgeous film.

 

I will publish the next 5 tomorrow.  Don’t forget to tell me what you think. What are your picks for the 10 thru 6?

 

 

Nate

Chapter 9 of The Bear

Tags

amwriting, Author, Fiction, Idaho, Nanowrimo, Novel, Trapper, writing

The morning sun came over the eastern mountains and began to warm the valley below. The sunshine warmed Jud’s face. Consciousness crept back upon him. His eyes opened to blue sky.
Is this heaven?
Jud blinked a couple of times and brought his surroundings back into focus. He was lying in the bushes about 20 feet from his tent. The cool morning breeze was making the grass sway gently. The sun was bright, and the sky was empty of clouds.
Jud tried to sit up. As he did, the pain shot through his whole body.
Shit. I’m still alive. God, you’re and asshole. Why won’t you just take my life already!
The events of the night came flooding back to him.
The bear.
Nugget.
His leg.
Jud looked down to see the bloody gash in his left calf. The teeth marks were clearly identifiable. His calf muscle was ripped to shreds. Jud could see his bone through the blood. He looked around trying to find a stick or something he could use to support himself. There was nothing immediately handy. He remembered the bear, and still wasn’t sure if he was around or not.
Jud laid there.
What do I do. God, you son of a bitch. Are you out there? Why in the hell is this happening to me. Maybe I should just lay here and die. I wanna see my Loretta again. I wanna see her! Why would you take her and my children away from me? Why did you take my brothers and parents away from me?
“Why do you hate me?!” Jud began to sob. He felt alone. He felt like the world had abandoned him. He felt like the God he worshipped had abandoned him. He felt like dying. Just closing his eyes and letting the sleep that filled his head overtake him. In fact, that’s what he was going to do. What was the point now. Even his horse was gone. Jud closed his eyes and waited for the end to come.
“Get up!”
What? Who was that?
“Get up! Your life isn’t over. I’m still here. You need to move forward. Always forward.”
Who? Who is talking?
It was midmorning the Sun had become quite warm. It was going to be a nice autumn day. Jud opened his eyes. He didn’t really know why. He knew someone had told him to. He knew he couldn’t die. It…he…whatever…wouldn’t let him.
Forward.
That’s what the voice had said.
Forward.
To what? Jud didn’t know what the point of moving forward would be now. It all seemed so pointless. But he decided he would try.
Jud looked again to find a stick to prop him up. He risked crawling to the small grove of aspens located about 10 yards away.
It was agonizing.
Excruciating.
That 10 yards of crawling felt as if it had taken 10 years. He was in more pain than he had ever experienced. Each movement almost made him pass out. He cried. Tears stained his face.
It took Jud almost a half hour to travel the necessary distance to the grove. He found a stick that would serve its purpose. In fact, it was perfect. He almost wondered if someone had made it. Straight. Solid. Perfect.
Jud stood the stick up vertically and used it as leverage to bring himself to his feet. He saw the tent directly in front of him. He took one excruciating step after another towards it. Finally, he reached the tent and grabbed the cloth. He put it in his mouth and started a tear. His strength was gone. It took effort to tear the rag. Jud then took the piece of cloth and tied it as tightly as he could around his calf. Within seconds the rag was drenched in red slimy liquid. But, at least there was pressure being applied. Hopefully, it would do it’s job as a tourniquet. He was losing blood. And it was sucking his strength.
Jud looked over at his dead beheaded horse. The head was gone. Tossed in the bushes. Where, Jud did not know. Nuggets body lay on the ground completely mutilated. His entrails stringing out of his stomach. Jud had to turn away. Not being able to handle the scene of his only friend.
Oh Nugget. You courageous horse. How I loved you. May you rest in peace.

“Why God? Why are you allowing this to happen?” Jud lamented.
“ How am I supposed to believe in someone who lets such a brave courageous and innocent animal die at the hands of a demon? God, why are you such and asshole???!!!”
Jud turned his attention to the urgency of his situation. He knew he had to get out of there. He knew he had lost a lot of blood. He knew that time was of the essence. What he didn’t know was where that Goddamn bear was.
Was it gone?
Was it close by?
He didn’t know. But he knew what he had to do. Jud began to walk. Jud bent down and picked up his rifle. 14 rounds. That’s all head left. He knew that he was going to need each and every shot. Henry rifle rounds were large caliber bullets. One bullet was capable of taking down a bear…if. If you were able to shoot it right between the eyes. One bullet could kill a normal sized bear. But….this was not a normal sized bear. Jud wondered if it really was a bear. It had the body of a bear. But Jud wasn’t certain it was a bear. There was something different about this animal. It acted with primal instincts. It seemed to enjoy the kill. Nothing more. It’s strength was almost, supernatural. Jud wasn’t sure how much damage one shot would do to this demon.
One step.
One step.
Then another.
And another.
Pain wrenching his body.
I don’t know if I can do this. I can barely walk. Maybe I should just sit down. It would be so easy to just sit down.
“Move.”
He heard it again. But this time he was awake. But he heard it. Or was it the pain that was causing him to hallucinate?
“Move!”
He heard it again. It was so loud. It almost pierced his ears. If it was a hallucination, it was a damn good one.
Jud obeyed the voice. He began to move.
Forward. That’s what it had said. Right, forward.
He knew he had to go forward. He had to get himself off this mountain. He needed to get back to his cabin where he could take care of this wound. And he needed to make his way to Doc Haroldson’s house which was located 20 miles from his cabin.
The first steps.
Forward.
Down the canyon.
Jud walked..or limped to the ravine where the lake began it’s journey down the canyon to join the river.
There was no easy way down. The first stretch was straight down the side of a mountain.
Jud dropped the walking stick. Sat down on his butt. And began to scoot down the mountainside. It was midday. And he had barely started his journey. He had 8 miles to go. How was he going to make it that far? He knew he wasn’t going to make it back to his cabin tonight. But he needed to make it as far as he could before sundown.
He scooted as fast and as carefully as he could.
Down.
Down.
He came to a rock face that stretched out about 10 feet. He was trying to figure out how to maneuver down the side. It was too steep to try to go straight down the cliffside. He chose to go around. Jud put his hand on the edge of the rock cliff to begin move to the side. Just then, his hand slipped. Jud lost his balance and began to tumble down the hillside. He couldn’t catch himself to stop the momentum. All he could do was make sure he kept from hitting his head on a rock. Jud felt piercing pain grip him with every roll.
In just a few seconds, Jud had tumbled about 200 feet down the side of the mountain. Jud came to a rest at the base of the hillside. He was barely conscious. Not because he had tumbled. Or hurt anything during the fall. It was simply because his calf had been bounced around hitting rocks and twigs all the way down. The pain was so fierce, he was losing consciousness.
Snap out of it you bastard. You can’t go out. Not here. Not now. Forward.
Forward!!
“Forward!”
Jud was lucid again. He looked around. Nothing. No person.
I’m hallucinating. Maybe I’ve lost too much blood. I need to move.
“You’re right. You need to move. Now get up you stubborn old coot!”
Jud looked around. He could here and understand the voice as plain as day. It was as if someone was standing right next to him talking. Was this God? Why was he talking to him? Why was he calling him a stubborn ol coot? God wouldn’t use phrases like that would he? But here he was. Outside of his own sanity, Jud had no other explanation for it.
Jud pulled himself together. Garnished his strength and sat up. He looked around for his walking stick. He spotted it close to the bank of the creek. Jud couldn’t stand up without leverage. He sat on his butt and scooted toward the stick.
He reached the stick and was able to pull himself to his feet. Jud looked up and grasped how far he had fallen. It was a quick way down the mountain. But one, he would never like to repeat.
Get walking you fool.
Forward.
Forward.
Jud followed the creek bed as it curved around the next bend. Jud continued to walk as fast as he could. The pain slowing him down significantly. He was convinced he would make better time just scooting on his butt for the entire distance.
It was late afternoon. Jud didn’t think he had gone more than a mile or so. It was so hard to judge. But he was certain he wasn’t going to make it to the lower lake before sundown. He continued his long treacherous journey. He looked at the position of the sun and believed it to be about 3 in the afternoon.
Only about three hours of sunlight left. I’m not going to make it to the lake. But I must keep going. I’m never going to get out of this canyon if I don’t push myself……
Forward

Podcast Episode 47- Maggie Decker

Tags

amwriting, Gay Romance, GRL, LDS, LGBQT, Maggie Decker, podcast, Shifter Romance, writing

Check out this episode of my podcast.  You will enjoy Maggie Decker talking about her life.  If you are interested in being on my podcast, hit me up!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/195942/1986787-episode-47-maggie-decker.mp3?blob_id=6081442&download=true

Chapter 8 of The Bear

Jud sat straight up with a start.
Nugget was going crazy. He was neighing and kicking and making a gigantic ruckus.
Jud heard another sound. A growl? A roar? What was that?
Jud looked outside his tent just as the brown mass of fur came charging through the grass at Nugget. Nugget kicked up his front legs and managed to kick the beast in the face. The beast yelped.
What the hell is going on?
Jud couldn’t tell what had attacked Nugget. He could only hear the yelp as the horse had managed to land a blow. The moon had begun it’s new cycle. It’s comforting glow gone for a few days. Blackness was deep and thick.
A bear?
The beast charged Nugget again. And again, Nugget was able to fend off the beast as he used his hind legs to send the beast backwards in agony. Nugget was ready to fight. His nostrils were glaring. He had the look of a devil horse possessed.
The beast charged. But this time, he was prepared for the horse’s vicious kicks. He dodged as Nugget tried to kick again. It seized its opportunity and swiped at the belly of Nugget while the horse was up on his hind legs. The gash was deep. Nugget fell to the ground writhing in pain. The ear-piercing sound was violent. Jud covered his ears.
Jud was getting a clearer picture of what was happening outside his tent. He still wasn’t sure what kind of beast had entered his camp and attacked his horse. But he knew it was big. He knew it meant business. And he knew it was merciless.
The beast circled Nugget apprehensive that the horse may not be as injured as it was letting on. But, nugget did nothing but lay on the ground breathing heavily. The beast charged Nugget again. This time it went straight for Nugget’s neck. Its jaws chomped down on the great equine’s long muscular neck. Jud could hear the bones crunch and crackle under the force. Nugget let out a high pitched squeal, and then went limp inside the jaws of the monster.
The beast put one paw on the shoulder blade of the horse, and tugged with the force, that left Jud stunned by the ferocity. With one powerful tug, the horse’s head was completely detached from its body. The beast flung the head in the sky. Nugget’s head came crashing down with a thump just feet away from Jud’s tent. The beast began to swipe at the torso. Ripping at it as if it was swiping away a pesky mosquito. Slashing at the horse with its monstrous forearm and claws. Blood was flying everywhere.
Jud realized at that moment that he had not imagined the scenes of death earlier in the day. He realized that this monster in front of him was it.
He was the killer.
The killer that killed for sport.
The killer that had just claimed its next victim.
The killer that had killed his horse….his companion….his friend.
He lunged for his rifle that had been laying by his side. Jud always kept the Henry nestled against him while he slept. He may have had a death wish, but he wanted to die on his own terms. Not surprised awake in the early morning hours.
By this point he had realized that this beast, this monster, was indeed a grizzly bear. But this specimen, was the largest bear Jud had ever seen. It was close to 5 feet tall at the shoulder. Jud guessed the beast weighed close to 1000 pounds.
Jud grabbed the rifle and pointed in the direction of the bear. He cocked the gun and fired. Just as Jud pulled the trigger he lost his balance and fell backward. The bullet flew off to the right of the bear.
After being startled by the sound of the gun, the bear turned its attention to Jud. It stood up on its hind legs and let out a blood curdling roar. The bear easily pushed over 7 feet while standing vertical. The roar turned Jud’s blood cold. He was paralyzed for a moment with fear. The bear charged him with anger in his eyes. Jud tried to fire the gun again, but he wasn’t fast enough. The bear was on him with two strides. It clamped down on Jud’s lower calf muscle. The bear’s teeth missed Jud’s bone by less than an inch. But managed to obtain enough of a grasp that Jud was unable to free himself from its clutches. Jud screamed in anguish and tried to yank away but was unable. The bear picked Jud up as easy as a dog picks up a chew toy. He swung Jud to and froe and then back around. It was as if he was getting ready to throw a shot put. As Jud reached the top of the arc, the bear let go and sent Jud flying a good 20 feet. It was amazing how much power this grizzly had. Jud landed with a thud in the middle of thick branches.
Jud didn’t move. It wasn’t too hard considering he was close to passing out.
The bear walked over to the bushes and sniffed. He could sense Jud. But he couldn’t see him. He was less than 4 feet away. Jud stared at the animal. He could feel the heat from his breath. The animal knew he was close. But he could not pinpoint him. Jud could hear his heartbeat. In the still of the night, it sounded like the beating of a drum. It felt like he was causing the earth to shake.
The bear rustled through the grass with is large paw. He swiped to left and then to the right. His last swipe came within an inch of swiping against Jud’s chest. At that moment, the bear Stood on his hind legs and roared.
It was deafening.
It sounded like the gates of hell had been opened.
Jud felt terror. Terror that only comes when you know you are inches from death.
Jud buried his head in the dirt. He had to. He screamed into the earth. He screamed that God would help him. And in that exact moment, Jud wondered why God had sent this demon to terrorize him. Hadn’t he been through enough hell? Hadn’t God toyed with him enough? Why was God uncaring and allowing this to happen?
The bear landed back on his front legs. Turned around and sauntered off into the bushes.
Jud laid there.
Fear gripped every part of his being.
He laid there.
Unflinching
No movement
No sound
He was afraid to. He didn’t know how far the bear had gone. He was afraid that the bear was just waiting for him to start moving. Jud’s head was pounding. His vision faded to red. He could not stay awake. Darkness overtook him.

Chapter 7 of The Bear

The upper lake was tucked away on top of the world. The lake was below tree line. But just barely. It wasn’t very big. Somebody could walk around the lake in less than two hours if they wanted to. The lake was a natural breeding spot for native cutthroat trout. It was so clear you could see the bottom from any angle. In the middle, was a small island. It was just a small mound that had a few bushes on it. It was so round, it almost looked man made.
Jud had placed his 15th and last trap to the east side of the lake. And this one had given him his last catch of the day. It was a success. Another beaver. Three pelts. His cabin was going to be well stocked for the winter. He grabbed the beaver from the trap and ventured back to the southern tip of the lake. Dusk was setting in and he was ready to set up camp. He found a nice open area close to the outlet that fed the creek. He led Nugget to the water so he could get a drink. Jud took out his tent, his bag and found his cooking utensils.
Jud set up his tent in just a few minutes. He walked around the campsite and found some twigs to use for kindling. Within 20 minutes, Jud had a raging fire to warm up to. The sun shown its last beam of light as it slowly disappeared behind the mountain side. Jud knew it was going to get cold and was happy that he didn’t have too much trouble getting the fire started. He wasn’t a very good fire starter normally, so he was pretty pleased with himself when the fire grew to a nice size so fast.
Jud walked over to his supply pack resting on Nugget’s back and took out some grain for Nugget’s dinner. Nugget gladly accepted the offering of oats and shook his head and flapped his tail. He thanked Jud in his own way for being such a good master.
Jud grabbed one of the rabbits he had captured and took it back over to the camp. He prepared it for cooking and stuck it on the fire. Thirty minutes later, Jud sat down to a nice dinner of fresh rabbit. It had been an interesting day and the rabbit seemed to taste better than normal. Was it the elevation? The exhaustion? He really didn’t know.
Jud began to play the events of the day back in his mind. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he had imagined it all. He tried to piece it all together. He tried to think about the details. Could he had made it all up? Maybe it was his lack of sleep? Perhaps it was just some sort of post traumatic episode that was causing him to see these kind of things. But how could he be suffering from something like that when it had been so long since the death of his family. And he had never seen those things before. He had been doing this for 17 years. He had captured literally hundreds of animals. He had shot deer. He had shot elk, and moose. Nothing had ever affected him like that before.
So why now?
Why today?
If this was all in his head, then why did it just start….today?
After dinner, Jud cleaned up his mess and made sure things were put away and tidy.
He laid down outside for a bit and looked at the stars. It was a clear night. Cold, but clear. He could see more stars than he could count. He thought of the old Bible story when God promised Abraham that he would make his descendents so numerous, that it would be like the stars in the heavens…too many to count.
He thought of his own life. There would be no descendents from him. There wouldn’t be any descendents at all for his family. He was it. He was the last Brown left. When he died, his whole family legacy would die with him.
That’s a dirty trick God. Why have you done what you’ve done to me? You are not loving. I feel like you created me just to be a loser, and a failure. And I feel like you don’t love me.
“Why should I feel otherwise?” He said out loud.
I have no reason to feel otherwise. I have no reason to leave. Not one. Maybe I should just end it all. Maybe I should make use of that old pine behind the cabin and join my family.
His family.
Jud’s mind turned towards his family. He looked back up at the stars and wondered if that is where heaven was. He wondered if there really was a heaven. Would he ever see his family again? His innocent wife and children.
He had to believe.
He had to believe there was a heaven.
Because he wanted to see them again.
If there wasn’t an afterlife, he would have no chance to see them again. He didn’t give a shit if he made it to heaven. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t really care if Jesus was there. He just wanted his family. He wanted to tell his children how much he loved them. He wanted to tell them how sorry he was that he hadn’t been there sooner. He wanted to feel his wife. He wanted to look in her eyes and tell her how much he loved her. How much he had always loved her. How much he worshiped her. He wanted to kiss her gentle lips. He wanted to feel the warmth of her body next to his. He would weep as he told her how much he had missed her. He would weep as he told her how sorry he was that he wasn’t there to stop what had happened…He would weep.
He was weeping now.
Deep guttural weeping.
This was how he went to sleep every night. This was his routine.
This night was no different.
Jud crawled inside his tent and cried himself to sleep.
Nugget was satisfied after his meal. He began to doze.

The night drifted on.
Jud dreamed…the same dream he always had. Too late…gunshots…can’t help…can’t scream…blood….

Chapter 6

Yes. He had been running all his life. That is what he had done. It wasn’t going forward. It was running. Far away. Far away from the pain. The despair. He could not cope.
Jud thought about his childhood. He started running from the little things. Running away from his brothers when they would pick on him. Running away from school when it was tough. Running away from the chores when they felt like more than he could handle…or even when he was bored. Those little decisions to run away. Became what guided his life. It defined how he dealt with things. It helped him make his decisions to run away from the war and the death of his family.
But what about now. Is going toward the upper lake running away? Of for the first time in his life, is he taking a stand?
This was a stand.
This was forward.
This was a turning point.
Jud was tired of running. Besides, what did he have to lose? He had already lost everything. Right now, it seemed that he was losing all of his bounty. He was determined to see this through. His running away stopped now.
Nugget was waiting in the background sniffing the air. The resolve to move forward wasn’t as strong with him. But he did what his master wanted him to do. Jud had always treated him right. And, Nugget looked at Jud as if he was part of the herd. The alpha male as it were. He would do anything for Jud. Including give his own life. He loved his master that much.
“Come on boy. We have traps to check. We are not going to let this scare us away. We can do this.” Jud said. But there was a hint of tepidity in his voice. Nugget could hear it.
They continued up the creek.
Trap number 7 empty.
Trap number 8 empty.
The next three traps had rabbits that and found their unfortunate demise with the teeth of Jud’s traps.
Trap number 12 was half way between the lower lake and the upper lake. It was in a peaceful area where the steep canyon walls opened up into a small meadow. The sun was beginning to start it’s decent in the sky. With the time of year, and the Mountains causing shadows to fall in early afternoon, things were already starting to get dark.
The trap was bare. Only the piece of bait placed so carefully was present.
They stopped for just a moment to both drink from the clear water.
As Jud was splashing water on his face, he looked up and noticed tree branches moving in the distance. There had been no wind today. He wasn’t sure what it was. He wasn’t even sure if he had truly seen the movement. Jud had been jittery. Were his eyes playing tricks on him? Was it some sort of apparition?
Jud stood up slowly from his crouched position. He looked again in the direction of where he had thought he had seen the movement. The trees moved. Again. Jud walked over to Nugget and grabbed his rifle. He looked through the scope to get a closer view. Jud scanned the horizon.
Nothing.
Nothing else moved. The trees were still. The earth was still. Everything was still. The only sound that could be heard on this calm afternoon was the deep breaths of Nugget.
Wait.
No other sound.
None.
Just Nugget breathing.
That wasn’t the way things work in the mountains. There should be sound during the day. Always sound. Crickets. Bugs. Birds. There should always be sound.
But there wasn’t.
Only silence.
Only breathing.
Only the sound of Jud’s heart.
Jud looked through the scope again. He wanted to see something. He needed to see something.
But there was nothing.
And that made Jud more nervous than anything. What was it? What was out there? Was there anything at all?
Jud felt his anxiety swell up inside of him. He hated it. It was a big reason why he ran away. Why he never wanted to stay in these kinds of situations.
Should he run away now?
Should he do what he had always done? Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he was wrong. And stupid. Maybe he was always a quitter. That’s what he was. A quitter. Always a quitter.
Maybe he should just accept the fact that God had created him to be a quitter.
Maybe.
No.
No!!!
Not today. He was tired. Tired of being a quitter. Maybe if he hadn’t been a quitter, his family would still be alive. Maybe his friends…Maybe his parents and brothers.
Not today.
He was done running.
He was going forward.
He hopped on Nugget and they took off following the creek. Drawing closer to the woods. Jud was shaking as the woods became more visible. He was having a hard time keeping his balance. The darkness of the trees wasn’t so dark anymore.
Nothing.
There was nothing. No sign of anything. No broken branches.
No tracks.
Nothing.
I must be losing my damn mind. I know I saw something. Maybe I’m imagining all this.
But the kills. How could he have imagined that. How could he have imagined something so gruesome. That doesn’t seem possible.
But his family.
That wasn’t imagination.
But maybe he was somehow imagining his family here. Here in the forest. Here with his traps. Maybe there really wasn’t anything there. Maybe the traps were clean. Maybe all that had been there was the bait. All the blood. Dismemberment. Maybe it was Jud suffering from some sort of psychosis.
I know it was real. I know it was real. How could that have all been in my head? Shit.
The pair, man and beast, walked past the woods and continued up the trail. The meadow narrowed again. The walls of the canyon closed in on Jud. For the first time in 17 years of living in these mountains, he felt claustrophobic. He hated the feeling. He felt trapped. There were only two options. Forward or backwards.
Forward.
Trap number 13. Rabbit
Trap number 14. Musk rat